The first piece was a light hearted article by Prudence Wade entitled “Nostalgic, sad and grumpy at 43? It’s the mid-life crisis”
Bearing in mind that I actively promote my nostalgic leanings towards the seventies, regularly get accused by my kids (and indeed by Mrs Baldwin for that matter) of being grumpy and given that my age is rapidly approaching the stated number; the piece was essential reading.
Prudence positioned 40 signs that, if exhibited, could suggest an individual was worthy of the mid-life crisis (MLC) label. She also suggested that the previously accepted norms of said MLC had shifted from the purchase of Harley Davidsons, affairs with younger people and cosmetic surgery to less obvious signatures.
I think that to date I have managed to avoid the MLC label, my evidence; I am still married to Mrs Baldwin number one and have so far avoided the temptation/pitfalls of extra marital affairs. Instead of procuring a motorbike, I recently bought a Zafira and you can’t get any more practical than that. Far from cosmetic surgery, I have let my hair go grey without giving a moment’s thought to dying it to hide to signs of age. Finally, I consider myself sensible and could back that up with some really dull evidence if required.
The questions were - could I be missing something or worse, could I be missing out on something? Reading on was necessary to find out.
The basis of Prudence’s article - interestingly a poll of 1,000 people by Crown Clinic Manchester (CC) www.crownclinic.co.uk. CC is into hair transplants so maybe the sample/sampling was slightly less than random or representative and statistically subject to challenge!
Here’s the list of potential MLC indicators:
1 Desiring a simpler life
2 Still going to music festivals like Glastonbury
3 Start looking up old boyfriends or girlfriends on Facebook
4 Realise you will never afford to pay off your mortgage
5 Joining Twitter so your bosses will think you 'get' digital
6 Excessively reminisce about your childhood
7 Take no pleasure in your friends’ successes
8 Splashing out on a very expensive bicycle
9 Sudden desire to play an instrument
10 Worry over thinning hair
11 Take up a new hobby
12 Want to make the world a better place
13 Longingly look at old pictures of yourself
14 Dread calls at unexpected times from your parents (fearing the worst)
15 Go to reunion tours of your favourite bands from the 70s and 80s
16 Switch from Radio 2 to indie stations like 6 Music
17 Revisit holiday destinations you visited as a child
18 Cannot envisage a time when you will be able to afford to retire
19 Read obituaries in the newspapers with far greater interest - and always check how people die
20 Obsessively compare your appearance with others the same age
21 Start dying your hair when it goes grey
22 Stop telling people your age
23 Dream about being able to quit work but know you'll never be able to afford to
24 Start taking vitamin pills
25 Worry about being worse off in your retirement than your parents
26 Want to change your friends but don't meet anyone new that you like
27 Think about quitting your job and buying a bed & breakfast or a pub
28 Flirt embarrassingly with people 20 years your junior
29 Look up your medical symptoms on the internet
30 Start thinking about going to church but never act on it
31 Always note when politicians or business leaders are younger than you
32 Contemplate having a hair transplant or plastic surgery
33 Take out a direct debit for a charity
34 Can't sleep because of work worries
35 Hangovers get worse and last more than day on occasions
36 Constantly compare your career success with your friends
37 Worry about a younger person taking your job
38 Take up triathlons or another extreme sport
39 You are very easily distracted
40 The only time you read books is when you are on holiday
Having started with the headline and being sure that I would have a fair chance of being MLC afflicted, I finished reading the article with the realisation that I remain mentally balanced and free from age related guilt.
My concern now is whether that is good (because it’s sensible) or if I am just not trying hard enough and cruising towards middle age in a far too easy going way (making me dull or misguided)?
Regular readers, family and friends, feel free to share your opinion!
Rest assured, I do ask myself the ‘what’s it all about?’ type question from time to time along with the ‘what do I want to achieve before I die?’ Inevitably though I rationalise my options in light of the ‘life’ decisions I have made already. For example, I chose to have a family and that brings responsibilities and closes down options I would have if I was single. There’s no point in dwelling on the fact that I can’t do solo or selfish things!
This reflection/introspection leads me nicely on to the second Times article by Will Pavla (from the paper dated July 4th). This piece was all about a character that made some very different life decisions from me, and has had a life that I have few reference points for. The thing is that his story makes for fascinating reading because it is so different.
Will Pavla wrote an article about Jason Everman, the one-time guitarist for Nirvana. Being a rocker, a story about a member of a band that is represented in my CD collection, was always going to attract my attention.
Everman was a teenage rebel that sought solace in the punk rock scene only to realise, very astutely if you ask me, that his desire to non-conform would not be fulfilled in that world. His realisation was that so many young people non-conformed by joining the same scene (and appearing and behaving in the same way) and that by being a punk, he was just conforming to a different agenda.
Where his band mate, Kurt Cobain, eventually killed himself; Everman found a new way of getting the most value from life. He quit the world of rock ‘n’ roll and joined the US army!
You might think that this was barmy – I mean how could anyone go from doing whatever they liked to a regimented environment where obeying orders without question is demanded; and still think themselves a non-conformist?
Everman found his angle though; he joined the US Army Rangers, one of America’s elite infantry units and then subsequently joined US Special Forces. Once in this world he had a host of military experiences around the globe that most of us couldn’t comprehend.
His story didn’t end there either, once leaving the army, he studied philosophy at Columbia University and graduated with a bachelor’s degree in May this year. His application was supported by a letter of recommendation from General Stanley McChrystal.
In addition, it is known that he has trekked the Himalayas, lived as a Buddhist monk in Nepal and written a few published stories too. This man’s real life is more exciting than the fictional John Rambo!
In reading these Times articles, written on different days by different journalists in different countries, I’d like to explain why I think they have a common theme.
An MLC is a kind of crossroads for many where life is evaluated or re-evaluated. People often judge themselves and what they have achieved by looking at others, or they worry about what others will think of their appearance or success; and to my mind that’s ridiculous.
To illustrate the point, Jason Everman made some decisions that put his life on a completely different trajectory to mine. If I was to judge my life by reference to his, it would be pointless – our lives are polar opposites. I chose family, responsibility and stability; he chose action, adventure and danger.
Getting older hasn’t lead me to question my earlier lifestyle decisions – they were what they were and I don’t regret them. I’d like to travel the world, have some more experiences and own a Ford Capri; but I wouldn’t sacrifice Mrs Baldwin or the kid’s opportunities for a university education to have those things.
Does all this mean the threat of a personal MLC is low? Who knows! If one arrives, I certainly hope the catalyst will be far more significant than hair loss!
I wonder what action man Everman, who is only a few years older than me, will do for a mid-life crisis. He probably doesn’t need more adrenaline; maybe he’ll get an allotment and grow things? Or settle down?
Final observation - creating your own website and writing about random and bizarre topics didn’t make the top 40 indicators. This is good!
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