Karate, comfort zones, parenting and bonding – December 2012
The weekend before last, my son and I graded for new karate belts; we ‘passed’ and our upgrades were confirmed – my colour code is now brown/white and my lad’s is purple/white with a brown tag.
I haven’t written much about karate before and so thought I would commit some comment to copy.
In essence, karate teaches you how to strike, how to kick and how to block the hits and kicks of attackers. This piece though isn’t going to be about fighting but rather my experiences of doing something new, entertaining and rewarding, and doing it with my son.
If you are a parent and thinking about ways to do something with your kids (rather than just for them), karate could be an option for you too.
By way of background; I never took part in any martial arts as a youth and, as a married father of two, karate only became a part of my life around two years ago. At the age of seven, my son expressed an interest in learning karate and we found a Daventry lesson he could attend. Even at that point I had no plans to take part myself, I used to drink coffee and read a book/magazine whilst my boy got on with it.
On one occasion, I got approached by one of the older and most senior black belts in the Daventry club who challenged me to take part instead of whiling away my time outside the dojo (hall). I thought that DH (for those are his initials) had a fair point to make but I didn’t say yes immediately; I did chat to my son about whether he’d like dad to have a go too (or if he’d be mortified by his old man getting involved).
My lad was really positive about me joining in and so I picked up the gauntlet thrown down by the black belt.
Taking up karate was an entertaining thing for me to do because it took me completely out of my comfort zone. I’ll share a few amusing insights with you if you care to read on.
I was one of the oldest people in the club and surrounded by kids and teenagers. It is fair to say I stuck out.
I was the lowest of the low in terms of status – age, education, socio-economic status, life experience count for nothing in the colour coded hierarchy of the dojo. When you line up to perform, you line up by grade (evidenced by belt colour) and I was at the no status end. At my end of the line, I was surrounded by kids aged between five and eight years old.
Whilst being reasonably fit, I was rubbish because everyone is when they start something completely new! Being hopeless was one thing, what was worse was that my lack of skill was on show to the rest of the club. I found myself turning the wrong way, getting my left and right mixed up (the instructor having to suggest to me “your other left” felt a little humiliating on occasion), and having to ask to be shown something repeatedly until I could grasp it. My son seemed to get it all a bit quicker, which was an interesting reflection for me.
Although relatively fit, my lack of suppleness was quickly apparent; and two years in, there are still some stretches that I can’t actually do.
When you grade for new belts, you have to go to specially arranging gradings (as I did on the 8th December) to join hundreds of others and then perform in front of examiners. The parents come to watch their kids and so you perform under a much wider spotlight than normal. There are far fewer adults grading than kids and so you will stick out there too.
If you are an adult reader, ask yourself, when is the last time you did anything in front of others that you were new to and obviously rubbish at? Is it reasonable to suggest that as we age, we know our limitations and tend to operate within them? Is it fair to say that we find ways to get around/avoid our lack of skill in something i.e. paying someone else to do something for you?
As an adult, the last time I had learnt something completely new was when I took up running – when I started that, I couldn’t run a mile without thinking death was imminent. The thing is that my progress from being hopeless to a capable long distance runner was achieved in a solitary fashion and completely out of the spotlight. I certainly didn’t have to look like a Muppet in front of my son, his young friends and a whole club of others.
Still, I have never been too worried about making myself look stupid, life’s too short. I parked my inhibitions cracked on regardless and have gently moved my way up the hierarchy ever since. The brown white belt is known as the 2nd Kyu and getting down to zero signifies the arrival at black belt.
People think that doing karate makes me a fighter and someone they should perhaps be wary of, and, whilst that has some advantages in certain circumstances, the fact is that I am not a scrapper at all. Doing karate hasn’t made me anymore likely to get into a brawl then I would have been prior to taking it up. Bizarrely, learning karate is actually as much like learning to dance as learning to fight.
Maybe that sounds ridiculous but bear with me while I justify the point. Dancing is choreographed and form is important (just watch any episode of strictly come dancing) and so is karate – the katas are a sequence of learned and practiced body movements that require precision in terms of the positioning of body, hands and feet. When sparring you are partnered up and you and your partner perform the prescribed moves in sequence.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not denigrating karate with the comments above just drawing an analogy that might help others to feel less nervous about getting involved.
With regards to my earlier comments about comfort zones; getting out of them is good for you, makes you feel alive! It’s nice for me to have something fun that I do with my son on a weekly basis and whilst he’s still young enough to be prepared to be seen with his dad.
He’s had a lot of laughs at my expense too! Still, whilst he’s laughing at me, he’s also learning some respect, some useful skills, building his confidence and getting used to being tested.
For me karate is not about fighting – it’s actually about bonding.
Home
Observations Home
I haven’t written much about karate before and so thought I would commit some comment to copy.
In essence, karate teaches you how to strike, how to kick and how to block the hits and kicks of attackers. This piece though isn’t going to be about fighting but rather my experiences of doing something new, entertaining and rewarding, and doing it with my son.
If you are a parent and thinking about ways to do something with your kids (rather than just for them), karate could be an option for you too.
By way of background; I never took part in any martial arts as a youth and, as a married father of two, karate only became a part of my life around two years ago. At the age of seven, my son expressed an interest in learning karate and we found a Daventry lesson he could attend. Even at that point I had no plans to take part myself, I used to drink coffee and read a book/magazine whilst my boy got on with it.
On one occasion, I got approached by one of the older and most senior black belts in the Daventry club who challenged me to take part instead of whiling away my time outside the dojo (hall). I thought that DH (for those are his initials) had a fair point to make but I didn’t say yes immediately; I did chat to my son about whether he’d like dad to have a go too (or if he’d be mortified by his old man getting involved).
My lad was really positive about me joining in and so I picked up the gauntlet thrown down by the black belt.
Taking up karate was an entertaining thing for me to do because it took me completely out of my comfort zone. I’ll share a few amusing insights with you if you care to read on.
I was one of the oldest people in the club and surrounded by kids and teenagers. It is fair to say I stuck out.
I was the lowest of the low in terms of status – age, education, socio-economic status, life experience count for nothing in the colour coded hierarchy of the dojo. When you line up to perform, you line up by grade (evidenced by belt colour) and I was at the no status end. At my end of the line, I was surrounded by kids aged between five and eight years old.
Whilst being reasonably fit, I was rubbish because everyone is when they start something completely new! Being hopeless was one thing, what was worse was that my lack of skill was on show to the rest of the club. I found myself turning the wrong way, getting my left and right mixed up (the instructor having to suggest to me “your other left” felt a little humiliating on occasion), and having to ask to be shown something repeatedly until I could grasp it. My son seemed to get it all a bit quicker, which was an interesting reflection for me.
Although relatively fit, my lack of suppleness was quickly apparent; and two years in, there are still some stretches that I can’t actually do.
When you grade for new belts, you have to go to specially arranging gradings (as I did on the 8th December) to join hundreds of others and then perform in front of examiners. The parents come to watch their kids and so you perform under a much wider spotlight than normal. There are far fewer adults grading than kids and so you will stick out there too.
If you are an adult reader, ask yourself, when is the last time you did anything in front of others that you were new to and obviously rubbish at? Is it reasonable to suggest that as we age, we know our limitations and tend to operate within them? Is it fair to say that we find ways to get around/avoid our lack of skill in something i.e. paying someone else to do something for you?
As an adult, the last time I had learnt something completely new was when I took up running – when I started that, I couldn’t run a mile without thinking death was imminent. The thing is that my progress from being hopeless to a capable long distance runner was achieved in a solitary fashion and completely out of the spotlight. I certainly didn’t have to look like a Muppet in front of my son, his young friends and a whole club of others.
Still, I have never been too worried about making myself look stupid, life’s too short. I parked my inhibitions cracked on regardless and have gently moved my way up the hierarchy ever since. The brown white belt is known as the 2nd Kyu and getting down to zero signifies the arrival at black belt.
People think that doing karate makes me a fighter and someone they should perhaps be wary of, and, whilst that has some advantages in certain circumstances, the fact is that I am not a scrapper at all. Doing karate hasn’t made me anymore likely to get into a brawl then I would have been prior to taking it up. Bizarrely, learning karate is actually as much like learning to dance as learning to fight.
Maybe that sounds ridiculous but bear with me while I justify the point. Dancing is choreographed and form is important (just watch any episode of strictly come dancing) and so is karate – the katas are a sequence of learned and practiced body movements that require precision in terms of the positioning of body, hands and feet. When sparring you are partnered up and you and your partner perform the prescribed moves in sequence.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not denigrating karate with the comments above just drawing an analogy that might help others to feel less nervous about getting involved.
With regards to my earlier comments about comfort zones; getting out of them is good for you, makes you feel alive! It’s nice for me to have something fun that I do with my son on a weekly basis and whilst he’s still young enough to be prepared to be seen with his dad.
He’s had a lot of laughs at my expense too! Still, whilst he’s laughing at me, he’s also learning some respect, some useful skills, building his confidence and getting used to being tested.
For me karate is not about fighting – it’s actually about bonding.
Home
Observations Home