Always look on the bright side of life

I came across this news article on the BBC a few days ago and suspected that a blog post was likely even before I read the piece.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-35471624

The ONS has been surveying the mental health of the nation.

Here are a couple of key headlines - those aged 45 to 59 reported the lowest levels of life satisfaction, with men on average less satisfied than women.

That age group also reported the highest levels of anxiety.

The Monty Python tune “Always look on the bright side of life” pinged straight into my head but more of that in a moment.

Though I am just about in the target sector (honestly it is only just), I can kind of get why these statistics are representative. The BBC has some suggestions for the survey findings, I have a few of my own.

In the real world, day to day life is mostly made up of repetitive, routine, drudgery. One gets up, one goes to work; once home, one does chores and one goes to bed – repeat again and again – think Groundhog Day!

For me, I’ll admit that days are sometimes pretty dull - time/life slowly ebbing away. And I know it’s worse for Mrs Baldwin who has more of the housework on her to do list.

So here are some reflections; I ended up thinking long and hard about this topic. Could the peak dissatisfaction levels recorded have anything to do with the following (have a read, what do you agree/disagree with)?

​By 45:

• You may still feel thirty but you don’t look it! The effects of aging are visible to all (in my case grey hair, thinning patches around the crown and much less evidence of thinning around the waist).
•  Forty five equals “mid-life” (and arguably mid-life could be 40, or 35 if you think in terms of Lemmy and Bowie). It is a well-known phenomenon that crises occur, particularly amongst the male population, at this mid-point.  Sports cars, motorbikes and affairs with younger folk are often outward expressions of this state of mind/dissatisfaction with the status quo.
• One has an increased awareness of one’s own mortality and that of those close to them. Someone that I knew died recently, he was only 55. That means my life could be done in ten years – that’s a sobering thought!
• One’s career may be plateaued, or worse be in decline. If you end up unemployed, your chances of getting a similar role quickly reduce significantly.
• Yet if you have a family, the likelihood is that you face significant bills for the foreseeable future.

By way of another personal illustration, the prospect of having to fund both my children through university at the same time as paying the mortgage and the household bills causes me anxiety.  And financing my retirement, God only knows how that is going to work. I actually suspect that work will have to feature in one way, shape or form until I drop dead.

And bizarrely (and rather morbidly), dropping dead whilst working actually could be the answer to the funding planning issues facing the Baldwin family…

...because financially, I am actually worth more dead than alive.  

• Your life is being led for the benefit of others rather than for yourself (the kids mainly, and they don’t even realise or appreciate it)
• If you are married and have children, by 45 you are probably exhausted, your marriage has probably lost much of its original sparkle (hoping of course that it’s not already failed) and romance/lust/spontaneity is probably thought about in historic terms (by at least one, but maybe both parties) or in future terms (when the kids leave home). 

And from 45 to 59, I suspect these issues just get more amplified with increasing age.

Reflecting on satisfaction; the growing awareness that my life is finite has led to me having this mental “bucket list” - but from time to time I find myself feeling frustrated about all the things I want to achieve/have/experience/visit/do (a million unique visitors to my website, motorbike, orgies, Taj Mahal/New Zealand, ride Route 66/write a book) that I can see no prospect of affording/ticking off the list without taking too many risks with the wellbeing of those I am responsible for.   

​If an ONS surveyor caught me during a “life’s a piece of shit” cycle, I might record a low level of satisfaction and/or a higher degree of anxiety.

Because when I think about how satisfied I am with life, I tend to fall into the trap of discounting all the things I have achieved already. Gaining a decent education, owning a house, having a decent job, having my own family, still being married to my first and only wife, paying all the bills, not being weighed down by crippling debt, being reasonably healthy etc. do not satisfy in the way that they should.

I forget how lucky I am. Am I alone in making this mistake?

Probably not!

My mental process when feeling like my life is unsatisfying is:

• Stop beating myself up over what has not been achieved and remember what has
• Park the negative thoughts and focus on something more productive
• Remember that I am where I am because of the decisions I made in the past. All choices have implications. For example, I wanted a family - that means I can hardly complain about the responsibilities now.
• Remember that everything could be so much worse – I could not have what I have now as well as not have what I’ve never had!  
• Look forward to the joy that the ONS suggests will come at 60
• Be sensible, keep mid-life crises type decisions to those that aren’t too destructive
• And “give a whistle”

That brings me back to Monty Python:
 
“If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.

“When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.”

If you are in my age bracket and feeling the levels of dissatisfaction that the ONS has identified, remember Brian and maybe “this'll help things turn out for the best”

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