Every so often I read or hear something that surprises the heck out of me. Today it’s this piece on the BBC News website about eyeball tattooing – and yes you read that right!
If you haven’t come across it already, please follow the link to this article before carrying on with this post; http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-30750361
The Canadian criminal featured looks like a nutter and to be honest, that’s what I think you need to be to get your eyeballs tattooed. Are you with me on this?
I have written about tats before because, despite not having any, I find it fascinating to reflect on the sheer profusion of them these days compared to 25 years ago. As I have stated before, tattoos suit some people – Steve Lovesey, Felix (Farleys) I hope you don’t mind name checks because I count you guys in this group – but on others (without the right physique, presence, confidence, career) they look terrible.
Whilst I appreciate why people like/want tats, I really, really struggle to understand what possesses someone to make the decision to mess with their scleras. The bloke in the BBC piece dyed one of his whites black and looks like a freak (admittedly the rest of the half-skull treatment on his face doesn’t exactly help either).
From a personal perspective, my eyesight is so important to me that I'd rather contemplate amputation of limbs than some unnecessary procedure that could result in me losing my sight.
If I ever get cataracts, I’d be prepared to let a suitably qualified and experienced surgeon near my mince pies but the idea of allowing some artiste in a bloody tattoo parlour take an inked needle to them, fills me with horror.
Perhaps I am just getting a bit old and grumpy but my recommendation to anyone thinking of such a procedure is the following:
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If you haven’t come across it already, please follow the link to this article before carrying on with this post; http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-30750361
The Canadian criminal featured looks like a nutter and to be honest, that’s what I think you need to be to get your eyeballs tattooed. Are you with me on this?
I have written about tats before because, despite not having any, I find it fascinating to reflect on the sheer profusion of them these days compared to 25 years ago. As I have stated before, tattoos suit some people – Steve Lovesey, Felix (Farleys) I hope you don’t mind name checks because I count you guys in this group – but on others (without the right physique, presence, confidence, career) they look terrible.
Whilst I appreciate why people like/want tats, I really, really struggle to understand what possesses someone to make the decision to mess with their scleras. The bloke in the BBC piece dyed one of his whites black and looks like a freak (admittedly the rest of the half-skull treatment on his face doesn’t exactly help either).
From a personal perspective, my eyesight is so important to me that I'd rather contemplate amputation of limbs than some unnecessary procedure that could result in me losing my sight.
If I ever get cataracts, I’d be prepared to let a suitably qualified and experienced surgeon near my mince pies but the idea of allowing some artiste in a bloody tattoo parlour take an inked needle to them, fills me with horror.
Perhaps I am just getting a bit old and grumpy but my recommendation to anyone thinking of such a procedure is the following:
- If you want to look like a carnival freak, a shark, a cadaver or an alien, just buy a suitable mask and wear it wherever you go for a week. Reflect upon how people behave around you. If you are unemployed (you probably are if contemplating an eyeball tat), go to a job interview in your mask and see if you get an offer (you won’t). After a week just think about whether you want to be perceived in the same way for the rest of your life. If you do; find a shrink to chat to before you visit the tattooist.
- If you are a career criminal and need to look hard to survive in your world, chat to your lawyer before making a decision about an eyeball tat. If you stand in front of a jury and your eyes are black, you are guilty.
- If you are medically insane, psychotic or a danger to yourself/the general public – for God’s sake get some prescribed drugs instead of an eyeball tattoo. At least the drugs might make things better.
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