Adrian Baldwin
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FAB TITS

6/2/2018

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I was in Daventry today when I saw something that made me smile from ear to ear and start mentally composing this blog post. Regular readers will know that cars, especially old ones, are one my interests. There are posts covering all sorts of things from car reviews to car events, car themed TV shows to driving observations.
 
One car topic that I’ve never written about (at least I don’t think so anyway) is private number plates.

I’ll be honest, I am in two minds about them. Most of the time they are painfully naff, you will have seen the kind of thing I mean:
​
  • Letters crammed together to make them look like a letter the owner really wanted
  • Screw covers in random places to make the wrong letters look like the right ones
  • Numbers that are like letters but the wrong way round - 3 and E for example
  • Poor efforts to spell a name, sometimes so bad that the lower part of the plate’s small print has the owner’s actual name to compensate 

Private plates are a bit showy, they can be stupidly expensive, lots of people that have them are tossers and, perhaps bizarrely, some people will spend a lot of money on a plate and then attach it to a crappy old car (you’d think the cash would have been better spent on having a better, more reliable motor).

In the eighties, I worked with a bank manager that really wanted a private plate, his childhood nickname had been Kipper, so he desperately wanted K1PER. That was gone so he was thinking on buying K1FER and adding a strategically positioned black screw cap. I thought he was as sad as that plate would have been. K1FER wasn’t cheap either, the equivalent of 3-6 months of my salary at the time. I have no idea if he ever bought it. 

​I haven’t got a total downer on private plates though. Sometimes they are good. In fact, sometimes they are brilliant.

I am much more favourably disposed to plates that are relevant to the vehicle they are on, PUG on a Peugeot, BUG on a Beetle, HOG on a Harley, JAG on a Jag, X5 on a BMW X5 (though “X5 SAD” isn’t so clever when the owner changes their car to something else).
 
Every so often I see a plate that I think is either clever, funny or both. Some examples; years ago I saw a fella driving a Peugeot 106 with the plate P1GSY, I thought that Pigsy was right for the car and the bloke.

In Daventry, there’s a driver with the plate AR51COW, it’s appeared on a few different Audis over the years. Arsy Cow, now that is funny and I’ve always wondered if the owner lives up to the billing.
   
I saw a car on the M6 with the plate M3RDE which, allowing for the 3 being an E, is the word “shit” in French - that’s funny enough for me excuse the 3E thing.

I have seen clever plates where the number/letter combination only makes sense in your rear-view mirror. That’s the kind of plate I’d like for myself - N41RDA for example (it’s not available, I checked). N14RDA would do as well bearing in mind it’s the most common way my name is misspelt.

Getting to the point (finally) of this post - today I saw a plate that, for me, falls into the brilliant category. I was following a black Ford Fiesta past Daventry Country Park when I noticed the plate FAB717S. After a split second I twigged that was "FAB TITS" and couldn’t help laughing. I didn’t get to see the driver, though she was female. I have no idea if her knockers were as fabulous as her number plate, but she made me smile like the Cheshire Cat. Regardless of the size of her assets, I bet that she has enormous self confidence to have that plate on her motor. 

Another observation, the plate dates back to 1978, which means it’s got a seventies vibe and I like it even more. 

If I ever meet the owner, I’ll interview her and write up another post for this site.

If the number plate was for sale, it wouldn’t be right on my car, but crikey I’d love to buy it for Mrs B. 

She wouldn’t find it funny though, neither would she have the confidence to ride with it.

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