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Fifty shades of crap! If you need grey, choose ‘field’!

9/3/2012

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Whilst on holiday during August, I read a number of books and can particularly recommend Philip Kerr’s Bernie Gunther novels, of which I read two. I also read 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and have to be honest in my summing up – it was fifty shades of crap in my opinion. 

I’ll freely admit that in being a bloke, I am not the‘target market’ for E.L. James’ erotic thriller but I persevered through the volume in the main to understand what all the fuss and hype was about.

Let me sum up – young virgin Anastasia Steele (AS) meets handsome billionaire businessman, Christian Grey (CG) who has a penchant for S&M sex and the obligatory big willy. AS has an orgasm on every single occasion they bonk, which is regularly, and AS goes from virginity to seriously contemplating becoming a contracted submissive to the dominant CG and to being exposed to a broad range of more ‘niche’ (to put it politely) sexual practices. 
 
All fairy tale trash/nonsense and about as believable as Toy Story (though less engaging)!

In fact the author sums up her own work in two sentences in chapter 21 page 368, paragraph three, lines one & two:

“I am adrift from reality. I’m in this fantasy apartment, having fantasy sex with my fantasy boyfriend....."

To make the read even less rewarding E. L. James’ is annoyingly repetitive in her use of ‘Oh my’ and ‘Crap’ and ‘Holy cow & holy crap’ (which to be fair when considered in conjunction are a pretty good way to review the entire book). I read ‘Oh my’ so many times that the book will forever be associated with the Wizard of Oz (another fairy tale) in my head – lions and tigers and bears oh my, lions and tigers and bears!

Is this book the ‘marriage saviour’ that has been bandied around in the media or the herald to a new era of sexual liberation? Somehow I doubt it - if you are a bloke whose wife felt more randy as a result of reading the book then I am very pleased for you! In my house, no such dizzy heights were reached, Mrs Baldwin and I were however able to agree that better literature could be found on the back of a cereal packet!

Reading the book made me wonder what kind of person wrote it and to be honest I had some uncharitable opinions. 
 
However I read a much more interesting piece in the Guardian Magazine this weekend as a result of an interview with E.L. James’ husband – Niall Leonard. It turns out that the middle-aged couple are not that unlike my wife and me with their kids and their ‘normal’ lives. They have been blown away by the huge success of the trilogy but have their collective feet firmly rooted in reality. Read the article; Niall is amusing, honest and down to earth.    
 
Back to the Philip Kerr if I may – one of the Bernie Gunther novels is called Field Grey and it is an excellent read – if you need something grey, my advice, and specifically aimed at the fellas is; ignore ‘fifty shades’ and go for ‘field’ instead. Don’t stop your female partner from reading though because you never know what good might come of it!

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