I read this article...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-30937492
...on the BBC News website today and felt a compulsion, you know the kind of urge that you can’t ignore – in fact a bit like needing the loo. In my case though, it was to take to the keyboard.
Bizarrely, the right of blokes to spend a penny in a standing stance has actually been subject to debate in the German courts – this has come about because of a case involving a landlord suing a tenant for supposed marble floor damage from uric acid (and poor aiming presumably).
The article suggests that there is a movement within Germany to change the wee relieving position for men from the traditional standing to a more socially acceptable seated alternative. Signs have even been produced for public places!
My view is that evolution has given the male of our species a penis that he can aim and sitting down to pee would be a terrible waste of some damn useful functionality. And just think of the inconvenience.
I accept that chaps that are particularly considerate to others may choose to sit, but to legislate would seriously be taking the piss.
Fortunately the German legal system has allowed common sense to prevail and the right of chaps to continue to assume an upright position to relieve their bladders. And thank God too because if the decision went the other way, we'd probably find that the European legal system would announce its intention to legislate on behalf of the UK and we'd all be affected.
Controversially perhaps, collateral damage is acceptable and that’s just the way it is if you are a landlord or a cleaner.
Now I am sure that Mrs Baldwin will have an alternative perspective on this topic (because she does the vast majority of our cleaning at home – we have a son too) but I bet even she occasionally wishes she had the tackle and the capability to pee without needing to find somewhere appropriate to sit down!
I rest my case.
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http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-30937492
...on the BBC News website today and felt a compulsion, you know the kind of urge that you can’t ignore – in fact a bit like needing the loo. In my case though, it was to take to the keyboard.
Bizarrely, the right of blokes to spend a penny in a standing stance has actually been subject to debate in the German courts – this has come about because of a case involving a landlord suing a tenant for supposed marble floor damage from uric acid (and poor aiming presumably).
The article suggests that there is a movement within Germany to change the wee relieving position for men from the traditional standing to a more socially acceptable seated alternative. Signs have even been produced for public places!
My view is that evolution has given the male of our species a penis that he can aim and sitting down to pee would be a terrible waste of some damn useful functionality. And just think of the inconvenience.
- If urinals in every public place were removed and replaced by standard toilets, us blokes would spend as long queuing as our female counterparts. That would be a nightmare!
- What would happen to common expressions like “pissing contest” or “pissing on your bonfire” (can you imagine the challenge of doing that from a seated position)?
- Occasional, real pissing contests amongst young alpha males would have to be re-thought. Vertical height achieved or horizontal distance covered would have to be replaced by some other measure – duration, bowl noise or something!
- And what about that treasured argument between husbands and wives across the world about leaving the seat up? Still I don’t suppose it would take us married types long to settle on a different fight instead!
I accept that chaps that are particularly considerate to others may choose to sit, but to legislate would seriously be taking the piss.
Fortunately the German legal system has allowed common sense to prevail and the right of chaps to continue to assume an upright position to relieve their bladders. And thank God too because if the decision went the other way, we'd probably find that the European legal system would announce its intention to legislate on behalf of the UK and we'd all be affected.
Controversially perhaps, collateral damage is acceptable and that’s just the way it is if you are a landlord or a cleaner.
Now I am sure that Mrs Baldwin will have an alternative perspective on this topic (because she does the vast majority of our cleaning at home – we have a son too) but I bet even she occasionally wishes she had the tackle and the capability to pee without needing to find somewhere appropriate to sit down!
I rest my case.
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